Robyn, this blog is for you..

Ok, you started the whole conversation about the Chicago trip we took. I barely remember most of it. Like I said before, I was so jealous of you and Betsy with your boys and Aaron not giving me the time of day that I was trying for any attention possible. Well, I guess you decided that I was your companion that weekend in your venture to obtain Keith. Betsy was left to hang out with Alex and his cronies. As she told it, she was very upset that we ignored her and made fun of her and Alex holding hands that she ended up crying the whole time. She had envisioned a weekend of all of us hanging out one last time before you and I graduated. I was desperately trying to hang on to our friendship that I could see slipping away to Betsy. You were our ring leader, and therefore chose your confidant. I had already been pushed aside a few times, and I don't know why that weekend I was allowed back in for a time, but I took it. I am sorry to say it was at the expense of my sister. Betsy, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't know you were so upset. I had no idea you cried. I love you more than anything. If I had it to do over again, much would have been change.

I would have fought for Robyn and I to stay friends. I feel like I have missed out on so much as we have grown apart over the years. I miss the closeness we once had. I think about it sometimes and it truly saddens me. I was so jealous of my own sister joining the group; I couldn't see how we could all share such a close bond. I see it now, many years too late. We have so much history, but our present is sorely lacking. I wish that I had the courage to call more often and attempt to become a more integral part in your life. I remember all of our stupid jokes and laughing so much we cried and crying because somebody broke our heart. The last time I felt we had any true time together was at ORU. Then a date went wrong, and took the wrong path in an attempt to handle it. I should have gone to my friends, but I didn't feel like ya'll would still accept me and love me. I thought I was so strong and mature. In truth, I was a scared little kid, too afraid to admit that I had gotten myself in a situation that I couldn't handle. I was the smart one (under Robyn, of course. Robyn, you master everything you try). How could I have been so stupid? I had to make many stupid mistakes before I realized my worth again.

Now I have a wonderful family that I thank God for every day. My experiences have taught me many valuable lessons. But back to my point, I wish I had held close to the people that meant the most to me.